Navigating with Grit & Gratitude
The past week has been a generally solid week. It’s had its highs and lows, but overall, I'm still standing. Well, sitting or laying down, mostly, but you get the idea.
Since my last entry, I had my visit with UofM. As a die-hard Spartan fan, I’m happy to report I didn't spontaneously combust upon setting foot in enemy territory. Jokes aside, the confirmation of my treatment plans from the oncologist & surgeon was a huge relief. While it seemed silly to redo imaging, seeing the results of the chemo in such a short time was incredible. What I thought was a pea in my last update, was actually the clip that was placed on my mass when the initial biopsies were done. The mass is barely noticeable on ultrasound!
Can we take a moment to appreciate the Lemmon-Holton Cancer Pavilion? Spectrum (now Corewell Health) did it right. While Rogel Cancer Center is regularly regarded as one of the best hospitals in America and they’re working on industry-leading equipment, its facilities are outdated, dark and cold. I’m thankful to have a welcoming atmosphere and a skilled team here. We should all be beyond grateful that we have access to such amazing care so close to home. My heart goes out to those in more rural areas around the state whose best option is UofM, with long wait times for care and driving endless hours to get the life-saving treatment they so desperately need.
Today marked my 6th treatment, officially halfway through my first 12-week round of chemo. GI issues and nosebleeds aside (apparently, those are normal), I've soldiered through with minimal interruptions. But here's the thing: I need to learn to slow down. Trying to operate at my usual speed just isn’t going to work, and I’ve figured out that when I try to, I end up hitting a wall of fatigue.
One place I haven’t wavered at all is my work ethic and managing my projects for work. I love what I do, and I get a lot of fulfillment out of positioning my clients to compete in their markets. It really does fill my cup and if I didn’t have it, I would miss it. What’s difficult is fighting against my driving nature. If cancer wasn’t part of my story right now I’d be actively engaging and looking for more projects. But I also know that I need to be mindful to give myself the space and grace in my schedule so that if I have days that I just “can’t” I have the comfort and ability to take those without feeling guilty. Which is all self-inflicted because my clients are incredible and I put way more pressure on myself than they ever would.
Lastly, this week my mom left and flew back to Florida. While having her here was an incredible help, having your mother living with you in your home for a month and a half is a long time. I think her departure was more difficult on her, as her only child I think she feels like she is abandoning me (which couldn’t be further from the truth).
My mom is a caretaker. In my lifetime I’ve watched her put her life on hold to care for her childhood best friend as her power of attorney through her battle with brain cancer, her mother's early passing due to heart disease, her mother-in-law's slow health decline, her stepmother's battle with Alzheimer's, and most recently the passing of her father.
But it hits different when it’s your child. No mother should ever have to be alive to watch their child go through this. So Mom, when you read this (because I know with you gone you’re going to be all over these blogs) just know that I see you. While I can get frustrated with having the extra presence in my space and some of your nuances drive me crazy, I know inside there is a level of patience, love, and care for others that I just didn’t inherit. And for that, I thank you.