A Plea to My Fellow Control Freaks

This entry is a wake-up call to those, like me, that find inner peace from always having a plan. Today, I'm diving into the tumultuous waters of navigating life's storms when our carefully crafted plans are washed away by the bullshit. Whether it's a cancer diagnosis or some other curveball in our personal or professional lives, the struggle is real. But fear not, because in the chaos lies an opportunity for growth, resilience, and strength.

As someone who thrives on having a plan for every aspect of life, facing the uncertainty of cancer was like stepping into the unknown without a map. Suddenly, I found myself confronted with a reality I couldn't control—the diagnosis, the treatment plan, the unpredictable side effects. It was a sobering reminder that life doesn't always follow the script we've written.

But here's the thing: while we can't control the hand we're dealt, we can control how we play it. I may not have chosen cancer, but I damn well chose how I was going to tackle it. I embraced the power of mindset, flipping the script from victim to warrior, from powerless to empowered. We can choose to crumble beneath the weight of adversity, or we can rise like phoenixes from the ashes, stronger and more resilient than we were before. 

Take, for example, the inevitable loss of my hair. No matter how much you do to prepare yourself for it… when it starts, it’s a feeling you can’t describe. As a control freak, the idea of surrendering to the slow deterioration of my hair was unbearable. So, instead of waiting for fate to snatch it away, I took matters into my own hands. And you know what? It felt liberating, like I was saying, "Hey cancer, you may take my hair, but I refuse to let you take my spirit."

I grabbed the clippers, with Quinley in tow, and we shaved my head, reclaiming control in the face of impending loss. The first cut and the first shave were terribly difficult as I fought back tears. I explained to Quinley that I might get upset while we were doing it, and if I did that it wasn’t because I was upset with her. Her response to me was, “It’s ok Mom, you just have to be brave.” I listened. 

But it's not just about the physical manifestations of control. It's about navigating the emotional storm with grace and resilience. It's about accepting the things we cannot change while finding solace in the things we can. It's about recognizing that true strength lies not in holding tight to the reins of life, but in learning to dance with the uncertainty, to flow with the ever-changing currents.

So here's my plea to my fellow control freaks (and a reminder to myself): embrace the chaos. Lean into the discomfort of uncertainty. Trust in your ability to adapt and thrive, even in the face of adversity. Because in the end, it's not about controlling every aspect of life—it's about finding peace and power in the surrender. And trust me, there's a beautiful kind of freedom waiting on the other side.