I’m Not Broken
In a world where perceptions often overshadow reality, I've realized that some treat me as if I’m fragile or incapable of doing things. People, with their well-intentioned concern, sometimes treat me as though I'm made of glass. But let me make one thing clear: cancer hasn't rendered me incapable. I am not disabled. Sure, my energy reserves might run a bit lower these days, but I can't feel my cancer and chemo hasn't made me frail, you can't break me. That said, a gentle reminder to ease up on the bear hugs is appreciated (me and my port thank you), but I'm far from fragile.
The outpouring of support from those who understand this distinction has been nothing short of awe-inspiring. To all who have stood by me, offering unwavering support and encouragement, I am eternally grateful. I owe a lot to so many, and I don't know how to show and extend my gratitude other than to say THANK YOU. If you haven't signed up for the golf outing yet, make sure you get signed up... There are only a few spots remaining! Yet, despite this, some have chosen to remain on the sidelines, too wrapped up in their own egos to even acknowledge my circumstance, and while I don’t want to spend any energy on it, their absence speaks volumes about their character.
This week, amidst the ebb and flow of life, we were treated to a cosmic spectacle: the solar eclipse. As the moon cast its shadow across the sun, reminding us of the vastness and wonder of the universe, I had a thought. Many people traveled to be in a location to experience totality. And many in those areas tried to capture it, and you know what’s great? They couldn’t. The solar eclipse is/was something that you could only truly experience by being there. No device can capture the essence of what it was like to experience or how it really looked/felt.
I couldn't help but draw parallels to my own journey. Much like the eclipse, my experience with cancer is something that defies capture by mere words or images. I can take pictures and I can write these entries, and even with as raw as I can be, they won’t capture how it actually feels. The image for this entry is what most days look like, it’s not glamorous. It's in the moments between the highs and lows, the quiet victories and fleeting moments, where the true essence of this journey lies. And while I'm committed to sharing these moments with you, I urge you to remember that life's most precious memories are often those that exist beyond the confines of a screen. So, disconnect from the digital noise, and immerse yourself fully in the richness of the moment.
Amid this journey, I've been confronted with the stark reality of life's impermanence and the importance of seizing the day. While I've always been prudent with finances, prioritizing savings over material possessions (thanks Dad), this experience has forced me to reevaluate my perspective. Watching my savings dwindle to cover medical expenses, while the things we've put off for years remain out of reach, has been a sobering reminder of life's unpredictability. And so, I'm loosening my grip (a little… let’s not get too crazy), embracing the notion that sometimes, the most valuable investments are those made in the pursuit of joy and fulfillment. So, to anyone hesitating on the brink of a decision, I say this: do the thing. Whether it's a dream deferred or a passion left unexplored, seize the moment, for the regret of inaction far outweighs the risks of pursuit.