Courage in the Storm
Well, I had initially promised an entry celebrating all of the positives, but unfortunately, once again time has gotten the best of me. This past week has been one of the hardest I've ever lived. I felt like I was hit with a tidal wave and have been caught in the undertow. But here I am, coming up for air.
Before I get into the tough, I do still want to celebrate the exciting moments. First, my story was shared at the Corewell Health Gala in front of 2,200 people. It was a night I embraced and attended in all my bald glory. About the same time, 13 ON YOUR SIDE reached out to do a story, which aired this past Monday. If you missed it, you can watch it HERE. In the piece, you will meet my senior doberman, Diesel. This is where the celebration takes a turn.
If you've ever had to put down or lost a pet, you know how difficult it is. But if you've ever had a doberman, you understand the level of loss. Diesel was so much more to me than a pet. He was my shadow, following me everywhere. They don't call them velcro dogs for nothing. While I won't mind being able to go to the bathroom alone, his absence is felt everywhere. Having to continue to navigate this journey without him just feels cruel. He was my coping mechanism. He knew how I was feeling without even saying a word. He was the epitome of unconditional love. He will be so, so missed.
Honestly, it's hard to think about much else other than that. But this week I had my second treatment of AC. Heading into this treatment I had been dealing with some chronic heartburn for 5-6 days prior that had manifested into a cough as well. Upon getting my bloodwork back, my platelets had spiked and with my combination of symptoms, a CT was ordered to rule out a pulmonary embolism (aka Blood Clot in my Lung). Before they proceeded with treatment, they also wanted to do a quick EKG to make sure my heart was still functioning properly. After 3 separate tests showed an unusual result, an additional echocardiogram was ordered. Cardio oncology, with this information, waved the checkered flag to proceed with treatment.
They were able to get me in the next day for my CT and I'm happy to report that there is no PE. However, they did note an enlarged lymph node on my right lung and a calcified node on my left. At this point, I have no idea what that means, but I'm sure if follow-up is needed they will be addressing that with me. My Echo is scheduled for next week Tuesday to see what's going on with my heart.
Sitting here on the Friday after treatment, I'm feeling pretty good, all things considered. I'm tired, my nails are sensitive, and I miss my best friend.
This week has tested me in ways I never imagined. It's a stark reminder that while there are moments of celebration and triumph, the path we're on is often filled with unexpected challenges. Allowing ourselves to fully feel the weight of these emotions is essential to properly grieve and heal. In the face of such pain, it's easy to want to isolate, but leaning into our support systems is crucial. It's the love and understanding from those around us that help us navigate these turbulent times. Through it all, we must remember that it's okay to not be okay, and it's okay to lean on others. This journey is unpredictable, but together, we can face whatever comes our way. Until next time, may we all find the courage to embrace our feelings and the strength to lean on one another.